35 Funny Quotes To Brighten Up Your Day

35 Funny Quotes To Brighten Up Your Day

Humour is the best medicine. May these funny quotes brighten up your day. Enjoy.

1. “That awkward moment when you’re wearing Nike’s and you can’t do it.” Anonymous

2. “Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.” Anonymous

3. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.” Anonymous

4. “Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family, they seem like good people.” Anonymous

5. “Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.” Anonymous 

6. “I did a push-up today. Well, actually I fell down. But I had to use my arms to get back up so….you know, close enough. I need some chocolate.” Anonymous

7. “Diet Day 1: I have removed all the bad food from the house. It was delicious.” Anonymous

8. “Why does cooking take like 6 hours and eating like 3 seconds and washing dishes like 7 days and 7 nights.” Anonymous

9. “I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.” Anonymous

10. “My mind is like my internet browser – at least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.” Anonymous 

11. “I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” Anonymous

12. “That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.” Anonymous

13. “90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.” Anonymous

14. “I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” Groucho Marx

15. “Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.” Anonymous 

16. “When you accidentally open a text message and now have to reply.” Anonymous

17. “I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why it’s called a ‘cell’ phone.” Anonymous

18. “Why am I getting older and wider instead of older and wiser?” Anonymous

19. “My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5.” Anonymous

20. “I am not lazy, I am on energy saving mode.” Anonymous 

21. “You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” Ogden Nash

22. “You can’t be sad when you’re holding a cupcake.” Anonymous

23. “My day starts backwards… I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.” Anonymous

24. “I am putting you on my to-do list.” Anonymous

25. “Lazy rule: can’t reach it, don’t need it.” Anonymous 

26. “Well, apparently rock bottom has a basement.” Anonymous

27. “The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.” Bill Murray

28. “I’m sorry. I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.” Anonymous

29. “You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.” Jim Carrey

30. “My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.” Anonymous 

31. “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” George Calin

32. “I don’t mean to interrupt people, I just randomly remember things and get really excited.” Anonymous

33. “Yesterday I really wanted tacos. Now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams.” Anonymous

34. “Your secrets are safe with me… I wasn’t even listening.” Anonymous

35. “I may look like I’m having deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m thinking about what I’m going to eat later.” Anonymous 

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