35 Inspirational Milton Berle Quotes On Success

Milton Berle was an American comedian and actor. Berle’s career as an entertainer spanned over 80 years, first in silent films and on stage as a child actor, then in radio, movies and television. As the host of NBC’s Texaco Star Theatre (1948–1955), he was the first major American television star and was known to millions of viewers as “Uncle Miltie” and “Mr. Television” during the first Golden Age of Television. He was honored with two stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for his work in both radio and TV. May these Milton Berle Quotes On Success inspire you to take action so that you may live your dreams.

1. “I’d rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far.” Milton Berle

2. “If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” Milton Berle

3. “It’s always consoling to know that today’s Christmas gifts are tomorrow’s garage sales.” Milton Berle

4. “The only place success comes before is in the dictionary.” Milton Berle

5. “It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now.” Milton Berle

6. “It’s rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.” Milton Berle

7. “Money can’t buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.” Milton Berle

8. “The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.” Milton Berle

9. “My son has a big Christmas problem – what do you buy for a father who has everything and you’re using it?” Milton Berle

10. “At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there’s never one around.” Milton Berle

11. “I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” Milton Berle

12. “A thing of beauty is a job forever.” Milton Berle

13. “You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think.” Milton Berle

14. “If you hire relatives, you’ll have a payroll that won’t quit.” Milton Berle

15. “In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn’t say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.” Milton Berle

16. “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” Milton Berle

17. “Experience is what you have after you’ve forgotten her name.” Milton Berle

18. “My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.” Milton Berle

19. “Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.” Milton Berle

20. “A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, “Did you miss a step?” “No,” he answers, “I hit every one of them!” Milton Berle

21. “Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs–is that a promise or a threat?” Milton Berle

22. “You’re aging when your actions creak louder than your words.” Milton Berle

23. “My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don’t try to run her life, and I don’t try to run mine.” Milton Berle

24. “Like every comedian, if I heard a joke that I thought would work, I used it.” Milton Berle

25. “Committee – a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.” Milton Berle

26. “There’s a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last much longer.” Milton Berle

27. “Laughter is an instant vacation.” Milton Berle

28. “A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.” Milton Berle

29. “For every student with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.” Milton Berle

30. “The human brain is special. It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn’t stop until you get to school.” Milton Berle

31. “Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.” Milton Berle

32. “Poverty is not a disgrace, but it’s terribly inconvenient.” Milton Berle

33. “This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!” Milton Berle

34. “A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, “Who Should we notify in case of an accident?” He mulls it over and then writes, “Anybody in sight!” Milton Berle

35. “Success is relative. The more success, the more relatives.” Milton Berle

I hope you enjoyed these Milton Berle Quotes On Success. Do let us know which one was your favorite in the comments section below.

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